Did Storytelling Make This Pitch Better?

“Who is the customer? What is her problem?” Rarely does a day go by when I don’t ask this question, whether it’s to an entrepreneur, innovator or a student. In my consulting role, I’ve even encountered clients who run sizable businesses who have a hard time stating this simply and succinctly.  

Storytelling can be a powerful and direct way to communicate this. Nowhere is such storytelling more critical than when making a pitch to investors. Having sat through numerous such pitches and reviewed even more with my classes each semester, I realize this is skill that needs to be not just built, but honed through constant practice and refinement. 

I’ve shared one of my favorite stories—delivered by Jessica, then a young student entrepreneur at Northeastern University in a previous post.  

So in under 60 seconds, Jessica framed the problem through the story of her friend Sally’s experience. She made it relatable to the listener, built credibility by quantifying the problem and set the stage for her solution.

Stories Can Serve As Powerful Hooks For Your Pitch

Let’s take a look at a B2B pitch made by Mike Fodera of Trova. Mike too like Jessica begins with a story, though he prefaces it with a provocative statement, “…this does kind of suck!” Watch Mike’s pitch below and see what he does well and what you might do differently.

Two things stood out to me:

Mike within the first few seconds of his pitch acknowledges that we are in a hybrid work world and states a problem with hybrid work, as “our ability to connect and engage with our peers has officially splintered.” I wasn’t sure what that meant.

Unlike Jessica who opened her pitch with a story, Mike went with what’s called the “provocative statement” opening. However right after that first minute, he did tell a story from his own personal experience.

Stage	Script	Effect or Outcome
Opening	“It’s great to be here in person with all of you and i want to give a big shout out to everyone that’s tuned in remotely.” [pause] “With that said this does kind of suck and i’m not talking about demo day” [17 secs]	By addressing people in room and online, Mike sets the context that it’s a hybrid environment. Then he makes a provocative statement “this does kind of suck!” Hooks the listener and makes them wonder.
Context	“Demo day is of course amazing but this half in-person, half remote type of environment does have me feeling a bit disconnected.” [15 s]	Clarifies what he meant by the provocative statement and sets context for the problem statement with “does have me feeling disconnected”
Problem	“what sucks is this is what the future of work looks like. i’m all in on hybrid but our ability to connect and engage with our peers has officially splintered” [10 secs]	States the problem with hybrid work namely, “our ability to connect and engage with our peers has officially splintered.”

Once Mike embarks on his story—his personal experience as a remote employee at Dell, the problem comes into greater focus—its hard to connect with professional peers! He makes it relatable through the use of the Rule of Three!

Stage	Script	Effect or Outcome
Context	I know it because I experienced it firsthand as a remote employee at Dell [5 secs]	Establishes credibility or ethos
Problem faced	I found it incredibly hard to filter between the noise of the seemingly forced conversations and awkward introductions when i was looking for my peers [15 secs]	This is NOT just Sally’s problem but all of ours
Rising Action	after the first month i was disappointed after the second month i was discouraged and by that third month i was depressed [15 secs]	Paints the impact of the problem using the “Power of Three”
Climax	I had completely checked out and started to plan my exit and I wasn’t alone!  (15 secs)	Yet another reveal
More Context	two-thirds of employees reported they were not engaged at work and that was pre-covid. It’s only gotten worse. voluntary turnover rates are at an all-time high costing companies a staggering $600 billion annually	It is not just my problem nor is it a small problem!
Resolution	I knew it was time to go all in and do something about it, Trova a platform that fosters authentic relationships	Here’s a solution

Stories can serve as great hooks or openings for any presentation or speech. They are particularly useful when making fundraising pitches, especially for technical or complex problems or solutions. These stories don’t have to be long. And pitches can have more than one story as we will see in some future pitches we analyze.

Questions to consider

1. How relatable was the problem statement for you? And to Mike’s audience?
2. Would it have made a difference if Mike had opened with his personal story than a provocative statement? If so why?
3. How many times does Mike mention Dell?